If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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