These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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