I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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