You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
