It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
