he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
