Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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