Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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