I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize