For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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