so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
