from now on my penis is your penis
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
