i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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