So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
