I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
