that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
