i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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