And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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