I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
she peed on how many people?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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