He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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