I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize