If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
