It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
