Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
