lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
