i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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