You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Randomize
