so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
