Got a toothbrush?
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
