i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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