Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
