Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
