I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
