woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
50% drunk capacity currently
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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