i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Randomize
