Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
