No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
