I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
