I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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