guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
