also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Who died my cat blue again?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
