i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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