Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
