I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
