i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
