All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
