Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
