I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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