i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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