I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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