the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
