Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
