They should really pass out barf bags in church
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
