All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
This is the high leading the old right now
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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