First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
