Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I'm passing your future prison.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
