Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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