dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
