we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Pants are for mortals
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
