im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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