How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Randomize
