dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Randomize
