It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
