i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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