Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Dick very happy bro
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize