You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Yo dont text me then not text me
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
