Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
He kissed a someone with a penis
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
