I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Sober January is a disaster.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Randomize
