Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
