wrigley field is MILF paradise
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
