she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
