Is it because I queefed?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
