i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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