I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
