In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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