i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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