i permit you to call me
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Come on in and take your pants off
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
