You work out of a Hotel?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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