Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
