Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
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