Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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